Monday, February 28, 2011

Finding Myself

I love who I am.
I know he helped shape who I am today...
The good and the bad.

I know that.

Without him I wouldn't know what I want to do with my life.
And without him I wouldn't have a reason to want to do it.

I know that abuse is all too common, and I know about all the politics of it. I know that we, generally speaking, try to hide it, try to protect our abusers, try to talk ourselves into thinking that they are right... it's easier that way. I know that a hundred million people could have, (and tried to) give me the motivation to leave. Tried to tell me that I was pretty enough. That I was smart enough. I was... capable enough.

It's hard to believe it when you're being told the opposite by the one person in the world that you think you have.

Walking away from everything I knew, everything I owned... was... hard.
When I got here, I wanted to change everything. I changed my hair, I got new clothes, my surrounding were obviously all different. I still feel upset about the things that I don't have, the things I "traded in" so to speak, but I have my freedom now, and my daughter has stability.

This was all very random, and poorly written, but I'm building up the courage to tell all.

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