Monday, February 28, 2011

Look What You Made Me Do

This goddamn song is what always pops into my head when I start thinking about him.
I'll never go back, so it doesn't really apply to me... But I've been there...
I could be crying hysterically... hurting from head to toe, scared to death, and one hug would take it all away. What the fuck, right?
Those were the moments that I felt the weakest. Those were the moments where I thought I'd never make it through. Where I didn't even want to make it through.

I don't miss him. I don't even miss who I was when I was with him, or before I was with him... I just miss seeing him with Annabell. Feeling like he cared... Not feeling so alone in it all. That sounds so stupid. He is who I need protection from, and all I wanted was for him to protect me.

I wasn't afraid of him when I left. I should have been, but I wasn't. I felt so fucking strong. On top of the world for making the decison and knowing that this time I'd do it. I can't believe that it only took two simple words from a complete stranger to give me that push. After so many months of the girls telling me that I didn't deserve it.
I knew I didn't deserve it... didn't I? I don't even know anymore. He told me I did, and I didn't question him if I wanted it to ever end.

"Look what you made me do."

I hate those words.

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